Monday, March 28, 2005
Hey... Just again another entry to blurt out, clearing the overwhelming feelings building up in me.
Saturday, I cut my hair. A small change in style, tired of the previous repeated haircut. I had my left fringe cut to a ridiculously short length. Well, some will say it's okay, some say it's nice, some say it's weird, some say it's just ugly. For me, I think it's not WOW, BEAUTIFUL. But I like it, I find it "cute", haha... At least I did what I've plan to do- - to have a different haircut that will stand out in the crowd, and is able to stun the people around me. I kinda achieved it and I'm glad.
Sunday, my eldest sis's boyfriend sent her another bouquet of flowers. This time round it's a bouquet of lilies to commemorate their first anniversary. Nice. But one thing I can't stand. The scent, which I think is just disgusting, filled the living room. I don't know, but it smells like dried sweat on a shirt that's left in a dark corner for a week. Yucks. Okay, I got a weird super-sensitive nose, I know. Like, I hate the smell of Famous Amos cause I think it
smells like rotten eggs mixed with chocolate and artificial frangrance. Haha... I'm sure you guys must be like, "What the hell? Zhikai, can you go check your nostrils if there's shit in there?" But yeah, I just don't like the smell cause it makes me giddy and feel like puking, especially when I'm very full.
Also yesterday, I saw the promise made by God to us that the world will not end in a flood like Noah Ark. Haha... A rainbow, if you don't know what I'm talking about. Just another bible story I heard from Kenneth. Cool right? I mean it's a more beautiful explanation than what I learnt in Physics. Definitely.
Today, we had our Orientation. Well, I have nothing much that I want to talk about it. But OGLs, you guys did a great job... I know some of you guys are unhappy over something, which I don't exactly know what... But do perk up yeah? It does get to me when you guys are not feeling happy.
I finally relax as the OGLs got their tees and are wearing them, which means my job is done. And I'm seeing my babies on them all around the college.
*"Babies" is what I call my projects. Though I only designed half the tee, but I monitored the progress of the printing so it's still my project, haha...*
Now I wonder how many more friends will I lose when the PW arrives. As some of my friends know, I'm a perfectionist. And I tend to rush when I do something- - when I want something to be done today, I want it done today. Really scary huh? Haha... That's Zhikai, he's such a jerk.
On my way back home after dance today, I saw something really beautiful yet disgusting at Pasir Ris MRT Station. There's a lamp which attracted a lot of insects towards it. And they were flying in a spiral, taking turns to be closer to the light source.
Then I remember my MSN nick, a few days back, which I translated from a chinese lyrics by Faye.
"A moth dives into a fire, and it dies for its love."
Think about this.
Yours truely, Zhikai
|9:42 PM|
Friday, March 25, 2005
Hey, it's Good Friday today. Well, I'm not a Protestant or a Catholic so I don't have anything to do, but enjoy this holiday. So I must express my thanks to Jesus Christ... Haha, just kidding, my Christian and Catholic friends, don't take it to heart.
Anyway, I've changed the song on my blog today, always the same song very boring ya. This song is "So i finally decided to give myself a reason" by this band called, "I can make a mess like nobody's business." Credit goes to my dear friend, Cindy, who introduced me this song. Alternative Rock, my favourite genre of music, as some of close friends know. And something new to my other friends.
Also, I'd like to tell you guys about the previous song on my blog. It's called, "I'm Sorry" by the Singapore Idol contestant, Daphne Khoo. Cool song too ya.
Okay, just yesterday, I went for the first dance practice after stopping for 12 days. Imagine 12 days without dance for me, I feel so empty. I'm almost talentless, so dance is the only way I express myself in a way words can't do the job. I'm sure you guys have got other way to do so, like playing the piano, singing, ect. Now, I'm having aches all over my body. The result of lactic acid after such a long time not doing vigorous exercises.
Other than just the SYF training, I was asked to help with the auditioning of the appeal students. It just reminds me of myself just 3 months back when I had to appeal in for the first 3 months. The pain I'm feeling now is nothing compared to the pain I feel then. That time was worst because I had not been dancing for about 10 months. I also got a very big blue-black on my left knee for doing a half-split as part of the audition. The only thing on my mind was that I must fight my way into MJC, even if it means breaking my bones. It all pays off as I got a call of good news a few hours later I left the college.
Now that I can get in MJC without appeal, my friends are asking me if I ever regret for appealing in then. Sadly, I am a little. But I'm sure the friendship and the relighting of my flame of love for dance during the 3 months is able to triump over that.
That's all for today...
Yours truely, Zhikai
|2:24 PM|
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
It's been a long day of goodbyes to some members of 05S213 yesterday. I love some of them, and started to love some of them during the days of departure. There isn't a need to list them down. Well, I'm the kind who puts my feelings on my face. If you are not loved by me, you will be able to see the difference I'm treating you and others. But if you are, I'm sure you know...
But it's okay if I don't love you and you know. Because, I'm not God, and it isn't a big deal if I don't love you.
Just read a blog, and actaully read all the entries. It's pleasant to my eyes (though I almost cried), and I'm shocked at how strong a person can get. Well, I can never be that strong, but I'm inspired...
Yours truely, Zhikai
|5:06 PM|
Monday, March 21, 2005
Life is never beautiful all the time.
But it's the ugliness that makes beauty all the more beautiful.
Watching "American Beauty" has stirred up so many emotions in me, piecing all the misplaced feelings together. Living is about learning, appreciation and changing. All these are achieved through the lessons we are put through. And the ultimate test is, yourself.
Throughout the show, the characters portray the darkness in life. Melancholy. Morbid.
Like life, it ends with death.
He died.
But who's responsible?
Is it the wife who had her adultery discovered by the husband?
Or is it the neighbour who was a homosexual deep down and thought his son was a male prositute patronised by him?
It's up to the audience to decide I would say it. Because in life, the evidents do not always reflect the actual fact. We are ruled by superficiality.
I will say the murderer is the son of the neighbour. Not with his own hands, but with the hands of his father.
He, who smiled at the corpse, has delibrately twisted the fact to push his father into killing him, as he had promised his girlfriend that he will kill his father for her sake.
But is he fully responsible? Or is it just coincidence? Nobody knows, nothing is definite.
To the man who died unconsciously, it doesn't really matter. For he has finally seen the highest level of beauty in life. Death.
He has fought for his happiness.
He is set free from his life of monstrosity.
He has left the world without any regrets.
To me, I catagorise the shows I've watched into 2.
1, a film. A show that does not teach me anything but is just pure entertainment.
2, a movie. A show that is able to move me, changing my perception or giving me knowledge of philosophies in life.
"American Beauty" is what I call a real movie.
Strongly reccommend this to anyone with depth.
"Sea side dwellers" can save their time for something else.
Yours truely, Zhikai
|11:09 PM|
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Sigh... It's already Saturday which is to say, in two days time, school wil start again.
I just can't stand the MOE, especially the spastic JAE, which is nothing but trouble to us... Haha... Wait, the government sue me man. As if I care... So much for being a diplomatic country filled with liberty. If it's so, this is the least I can do, to air my view.
As I've told Hilda once,"the government is an asshole that produces shit like JAE..."
Don't know if you guys agree with me, but I think the fact is staring straight in our face, that I'm so damn right... Haha...
Must be the boredom that's driving to make these comments. I've been staying most of my holidays at home. Imagine, I've only went out 1 day out of 9 days.
My Wednesday movie plan with Kenneth went down the drain as he injured his knee.
My Saturday class outing to the Zoo pops due to the poor response.
Sick man, I'm turning mouldy!!!
Must be pondering, why is this entry so different from the previous fews? Well, it's just another side of me you are looking at. Which side do you prefer? You are free to decide for yourself and the acceptance of which is totally up to you. But the thing is, you can't change either of them in me, because this is Zhikai.*poof*
Yours truely, Zhikai
|2:46 PM|
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Have you ever find yourselves in a morass, and not knowing why in the first place you are?
Well, I do... It's the feeling I get, that I've got so much to worry-- I have said something wrong, I have not done enough, I am not good enough, I have done too much, I have went beyond the line. And the list goes on to infinity.
But am I really trapped in such a situation? Or do I have to be?
The answer is a big NO!!!
I can take a step back, take a wider view.
There isn't a definite shape for a situation in life.
It's the angle we viewed it at that determines our interpretation of it.
Point of perception.
So, what is there to worry?
*Ta-da* I've just been punked by myself.
"Zhikai, don't be so sensitive."
Whao!!! I've just missed a few hours of the beauty of life, what a waste!!!
It's okay, I shall not repeat this anymore, and laughed it away...
HAHA...
Yours truely, Zhikai
|1:19 AM|
Friday, March 11, 2005
It's again another birthday of someone I know...
Today, the Birthday Girl is...
Miss Rika SP!!!
Well, this has made me recall the time we had together. When we coperate in making interesting projects. When we go home together in the same bus. (we live near each other ya) When we...
I have to admit that I'm not really happy back in my secondary school, but I can't deny the fact that there are people, whom I've met, that are worth a part of my memories. And Rika is one of them...
Since I can't see her in person, didn't see her online, don't think she received my SMS, I will use this blog to wish her, Happy Birthday!!!
Yours truely, Zhikai
|8:28 PM|
Monday, March 07, 2005
After a long day of reverie, it's finally a chance to sit down and think--
Did I had a great day?
Am I'm truely happy deep down or just on the surface?
Getting back together with old friends will bring me back memories, uncontrollably... It may not all be good ones but some which are better off forgotten...
And these are people I share the memories with... The people whom I used to hang out with...
But did I and do I blend in? Perhaps I do, with a doubtful mind of their acceptance.
I'm writting for what's left from yesterday's mind, most of it taken off my mind from today's events. At least I know I have a place to stand in where I am now... Comfortably. Doubtlessly.
I guess I got to decide what I actually feel yesterday. It's not always possible but I'm sure I can, maybe just for one time. Alright, I will not be a cynic, I shall conclude that I was happy yesterday, and today.
Hope tommorrow will also be another day filled with joy.
Yours truely, Zhikai
|11:29 PM|
Thursday, March 03, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SEE PING
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
Happy Birthday, See Ping, hope you have a series of fortunate events lining up for you in the year to come!!!
Stay happy, and it's all that matters!!!
Yours truely, Zhikai
|12:00 AM|
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Hey folks... Yesterday's the big day for many of us...
It seemed that it was still yesterday when I was mugging for my O'levels... Well, my results isn't fantastic comparing with some of my friends, but I got the results I've aimed for, in fact, slightly better... And the most important part is-- I'm staying in Meridian, as promised that if I get more than 15, I will leave after the SYF...
Speaking about leaving, I was having a very hard time before the results was out... I will have the place in MJ even if I get 20 due to the part I play in the SYF Dance team as an appeal student... But my sister and I then decided that there's no point for me to stay on with my results that bad...
I was worried for the results, well who won't, but the thing that adds on to my agony the past few days before yesterday is the thought of having to part with some of the finest friends I've made in my 16 plus years... I don't have to mention any names, I believe these people know... All the fun we shared, and there isn't a day in JC you can find me without a smile on my face... And I mean a genuine smile that comes right from my heart...
I'm a person who can never stand loneliness... I can feel totally lost and dispair when there's no one with me, even for a short period of time... I admit I'm an eccentric person...
People always like to ask: What would you do if you were to be the only person to be alive in this world and why?
I don't have an answer to this answer 'cause I would have already died before I can even do anything...
The purpose of me telling you guys this "interesting" fact about me is that I want to let you know that: Whoever is going to walk with me through the two years, and those taking a different path, you make me feel that I'm not alone in this world...
Ps: People from Castor 5 and 05S213, you make me realise what is teamwork... Reminisce some of the moments we shared together at http://www.kai-pictures.blogspot.com/
Yours truely, Zhikai
|3:34 AM|
