Saturday, May 28, 2005
I've passed this week in a gloomy mood.
I feel empty. Empty in skull, empty in heart.
I can't seem to be achieving things I aimed for. Be it academic, CCA. Even friendship; I feel alone.
I feel dumb, inferior. People around me are doing so much better than me.
Where am I heading?
I don't know...
Yours truely, Zhikai
|6:03 PM|
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Well, this is the first time I'm writting an entry when I'm in school, or rather when I'm not at home...
The feeling is queer. Not that I dislike it, the feeling is different. To blog: with a different keyboard, in a foreign place, with people around. I would not know what the entry will be like, I only know it'll be different.
I'm feeling weird these days. I can be frowning one moment, the other laughing, the other dazing... I can feel that I'm heading towards insanity or has I always been? Is it stress? am I stressed? If you ask me, I would say yes... I wish I can have a year off, but i DON'T want to procrastinate... I can't afford to, not with the amount of hope my family is pinning on me.
Things are running through my mind, and I'm fumbling to write down as much as I can, but I know, as always, I will stop with little said...
I just managed to submit my CIP oversea expedition form in a rush. To find out that I have zero dollars for my account balance and only $120 govt. contribution... Damn!!! I always have someone in mind when I'm pissed with the government... You guys should know who, I don't want to spell it and get my parents in jail.
The student counsel results will be out today, and I'm bloody anxious, when I should not be! Darn, I just can't settle down. I am, truely, nervous for the 3 counsellor-wannabes. One in particular, for the amount of things I've done. *Slap myself* It's not about what I've done, it should be what I hope my friends can get what they want!!!
I saw this girl around in school, on the train this morning, on the train yesterday night, and on the bus... She dropped off at the same stop as me yesterday; she lives near me... I don't know the word to use, but I'm enjoying the chances I'm getting to see her around. Someone, I don't know, but is familiar, I find myself attracted to. Is it a crush? Is it love? Is it fate? I don't know, and I may not find out in a million years, but I like it. She's pretty good-looking, in my eyes, or I would not bother looking out for her as you guys know, Zhikai IS superficial.
Strangely, I've nothing on my mind now. Perhaps, in the first place, I didn't have so much in my mind, but just a feeling I get. The confusion of things I wanna tell, and work... I'm guilty now, I'm doing redundant stuff at the wrong hour, I should go. END.
Yours truely, Zhikai
|6:26 PM|
Saturday, May 07, 2005
The student counsellor campaign is finally over!!!
I have done my part, and I'm glad that it ended with a smile on my face. I have done what I felt should be done for my friend.
Posters.
Scarecrow.
Identities.
And more posters.
These tangible stuffs are perishable (they have all been removed), but the intangibles will stay.
The process in seeing more of a friend, in discovering my limitations, in respecting other's decision.
Yours truely, Zhikai
|12:35 AM|
